Seeing Stars
by osaka-jazzed
Summary: Bored out of their minds, The whistle! cast and crew Turn to Astrology for comic relief. rated for language, contains copius amounts of sarcasm and randomness. complete creds to funny horoscopes and wiki for ideas! :


Seeing Stars

I got the Idea in the roleplay forum, and thought it deserved it's own fic. So, here it is! in the complete version. This is in complete disregard of when they were actually born. So their birthday's are actually completely different. Disclaim: I don't own! I can make the characters do weird stuff, but I don't own them. Natch.

It was a cold and blustry day out in Tokyo, as the winds tore through town, sending shivers down the spines of those caught outside. In a brightly lit café somewhere in town, a dozen or so highschool soccer players gathered together, screwing around because the weather was too nasty for playing in. The group dominated the café, sprawled over six different tables in the back.

The sat surrounded by steaming drinks and scattered newspapers chatting idly while the storm raged outside.

Sho Kazematsuri, a short but agile striker, was lost in the day's paper, oblivious of the spit balls whizzing over his head.

Suddenly he dropped the paper.

"Mizuno-kun! Come look at this!" sensing a decent source of amusement, the rest of the group gathered around him.

A fair looking boy with reddish brown hair peered over Sho's shoulder.

"Horoscopes?" he asked, really confused. It didn't seem like the stuff Sho would be into at all...

"Oh please! Said Akira, a Musashinomori forward, his words dripping with sarcasm. "Don't tell me you actually believe that crap Sho!"

Sho looked down , embarrassed. He could feel his face staring to heat up.

The paper was snatched from his hand by a boy with long blond hair and four earrings on his ear.

"Shige-san..." Said Sho reproachfully as the boy just grinned at him.

"Akira...and you're a what? Virgo?"

"Leo!" shouted a boy in the back helpfully. There were a couple of shouts of "Seiji, sit down!" as the boy climbed over the tables to get a closer look.

"Ohhh..." said Shige with an evil smile, "That makes sense."

"WHAT!?" the crowd yelled, earning reproving looks from the others in the café.

"Leo: You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. You like to kiss mirrors a lot, and All Leos want parades on their birthdays. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they growl, and snack on monkeys while watching re-runs of 'The Sopranos.'You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur."

The whole crowd was laughing it's ass off, except Akira who had a murderous aura rolling off him in waves.

"If you think it's so funny, why don't you try it!" he seethed at the snickering soccer players behind him.

"That sounds like a challenge." Said Narumi, swaggering forward. "Thought that the Astrology stuff was supposed to be worthless Akira!" he said mockingly.

"Ah, Hello good sir! And what might your sign be?" said Shige in a pseudo polite voice.

"Aquarius."

"Let's see..." muttered Shige, his eyes scanning the page.

"Aquarius. The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Fruit Loops at least once. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently, and are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub.

You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at

your local motel. A bisexual Aquarius is a walking double date. "

"That's Takahashi in a nutshell." Whispered Shitara to another player, before both of them were lying on the ground clutching their heads.

"Can't take the heat, big man?" Asked Tsubasa as he strode over to where the newspaper was.

"Sagittarius."

"OH! Me too!" shouted Seiji spazzing out completely.

"Well this should be interesting."murmured Shige as he looked up the Horoscope.

"Here you go.

Sagittarius. Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out.

Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. The holiday of Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and pass out, while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism-"

At which point Shige never finished because Tsubasa threw several forks at his head. Seiji however seemed totally un-offended, and was actually laughing.

Kazuma swaggered over, eyeing Seiji with distaste.

"What's the matter tiny, got out-witted by a horoscope. Please. These things aren't even worth getting excited about." he sneered, talking to Tsubasa.

"My, you're cocky. What 's your sign again, a cockroach?"

"NO! I'm a Libra!"

"Read it!" whispered Tsubasa, but Shige was two steps ahead of him, brandishing the paper, he announced loudly.

"Libra. You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of nausea.You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own . (You usually consult your therapist) Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will get into something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bullst. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings.

Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all."

Yuuto was laughing so hard the table was shaking, and even Eishi was snickering. Kazuma looked like he wanted to throttle Shigeki, but apparently there were too many witnesses, because he opted for choosing someone else to get their egos crushed.

"Eishi!"

"Virgo." he replied, still snickering.

"Gluttons for punishment." said Shige to Sho as he cleared his throat and announced:

"Virgo.You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You also commit a lot of drive-by shootings. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius.

Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass."

"Here that sound Eishi? I think that's your ego deflating," said Tatsuya in between short spurts of laughter. "What? Is an elite like yourself afraid of the big, bad horoscope?" taunted Eishi.

"Dare you."

"Your on!"

Tatsuya turned to Shigeki.

"Aries."

"You asked for it...Aries. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. God is probably an Aries. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac."

"Well that was...humbling." Said Shige, peering over the top of the paper at Tatsuya's beet-colored expression.

"How about you, Shige? You can dish it out but you can't take it?" snarled Tatsuya.

"Nah. I am what I am." replied Shige evenly. "But first, Pochi, we never did yours."

"Oh, I'd rather not Shige-san," said Sho with with a, 'I'm soooo dead' look on his face.

"I'd like to hear mine." said a spacey voice to their right. Taki appeared, a serene look on his face.

"All right," Said Shige brightly. "And you are?"

"A Pisces."

"Here we go then!" shouted Shige, and everyone crowded back in now that the threat of decapitation was significantly lower.

"Pisces. Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your friends, when they are not absorbed in Monty Python. Pisceans strive to achieve greatness by sheer fluke. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want."

Taki it very well, laughing quietly. It didn't take much to imagine him kicking just about everyone's ass, despite the fact that his eyes were lightly closed.

"Hey! You kids!" The café owner shouted. "Closin' time's in five minutes! Don't stick around."

"Yeah, yeah ." Shige waved his hand airily.

"So Shige, what zodiac are you?" asked Sho innocently. Everyone leaned in to listen.

"Me? I'm a Scorpio." he said indifferently, shrugging his shoulders.

"Should have guessed," muttered Tatsuya, swiping the paper from Shige.

"Scorpio. Most hackers are Scorpios. You only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Coco Puffs at one time in your life. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower, and Scorpios cheat at the lottery. They pick fights with total strangers, and moon people at weddings. The Scorpio is incapable of being unhip."

Everyone stopped laughing only when they were kicked out of the café and into the stormy weather. They all went home to nurse their ego's and read up on Astrology. (Except for Taki and Shige, because they really didn't care.)

No one ever found out that those horoscopes were completely made up by Shigeki and Tatsuya,

just to piss off the other plyers. And no one ever found out what Sho's horoscope said. He certainly wasn't telling.

Many thanks to various online websites about Astrology like Wikipedia, , and

They really helped a lot. xD


End file.
